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Rituals of Nurture
The art of nurturing yourself back to life
Jumi James
October 06, 2025
Do you know the most painful thing about having low self-worth? It is that you think everyone else deserves good things. Except you.
You spend so much energy playing the game of deserve and don’t deserve. Energy better spent aligning with new blessings or grounding present ones in your body.
And even when you do the work to rebuild self-worth, old issues bob back up like that ex who refuses to take a hint. One moment you are on top of the world, the next you want to crawl into a hole because, apparently, in the caste system of worms, you feel like the lowest worm.
Like I said in the previous letter, self-worth is not linear. Some days you will feel like a queen; some days you will feel like a worm. This letter is about how to nurture yourself through the roller coaster feelings of queen to worm, worm to queen.
The Agenda
How nurture can change your life
Two rituals of nurture
The wisdom of ‘useless’ activities
“Nourishing yourself in a way that helps you blossom in the direction you want to go is attainable, and you are worth the effort.”
How nurture can change your life
Many things people do today are numbing rather than nurturing their souls.
A lot of people are indulging in escapism, dissociating from the reality of their lives by, binge-watching entire series in one sitting, doom-scrolling social media for hours, constant partying and club-hopping, serial dating app swiping, overworking, substance use, toxic positivity mantras, collecting productivity hacks, buying absurd self care candles, keeping them distracted... for a few hours, a few weeks, sometimes even years.
People are shelling out thousands yearly to greedy companies in the name of “self-care” and "living their best life", yet they can never seem to escape the deep loneliness and emptiness they feel inside when all is done.
This is your cue to know that there is something seriously wrong with how the world is going about this. Now set your Cinnamon-Sunset-Bergamot-Himalayan-Salt-Manifestation-Abundance self-care candle aside and let's talk about what nurture really is.
What is nurture, really?
Imagine yourself as a houseplant. Nurture is understanding what kind of plant you are, how much light or water you need, what soil you thrive in. You bloom because you are consistently watered, tended, and placed where there’s light.
Nurture is the intentional, consistent practice of meeting your nervous system's actual needs, not your ego's wants, not society's demands, not your trauma's cravings but the honest needs of the body and soul that's carrying you through this life.
It is the consistent act of creating conditions for your soul to grow.
How nurture can change your life
Mental: Less anxiety. Decision-making gets easier.
Physical: Chronic tension releases, your sleep actually improves and your energy stabilises.
Financial: You stop haemorrhaging money on escapism. You can actually save and /or invest because impulse purchases decrease.
Spiritual: You reconnect with yourself. Life feels less like surviving, more like living.
Relational: Your boundaries become easier. You stop over-giving from depletion. You stop expecting others to regulate you.
True nurture doesn't just make you feel better temporarily. It restructures how you move through the world.
2 Rituals of Nurture
We have already established that I do not appreciate cookie-cutter routines. I will always encourage you to do what's unique to your needs.
It is important to think differently, to own and craft rituals unique to your nervous system.
What others do needs only be an inspiration to spark your creativity on what to do, not a template for you to copy.
How do you deeply nurture yourself?
Most women can list their responsibilities in detail, but freeze when you ask them what brings them pleasure.
People relapse into bad habits because those habits bring them pleasure, and they don't have good options that can equally fill them up and bring them pleasure.
Imagine a person who is severely overweight due to eating habits and is interested in eating better. What would be helpful? Waiting till she is hungry to figure out what healthy food to eat? No.
You don't create a menu when you are hungry, at least not when you want to choose healthy options.
You don't create a menu when you are shopping at the grocery store and everything looks good.
You don't create a menu when you are already depleted and reaching for old coping mechanisms.
You create a menu when you are regulated, clear-headed, and connected to what is truly important to you
Let’s do a quick simulation:
Building your pleasure blueprint means:
Auditing your current life. What genuinely brings YOU pleasure (not what should, not what makes others happy)
-Driving with no destination. Moving my body when no one's watching.
Excavating forgotten pleasures. What did little-you do for pure joy?
-I used to dance in my room to whatever was playing on the radio.
Discover new pleasure or embody the old: What if I tried that now, but made it mine?
-Lock the door. Put on one song. DANCE.
The pleasure activity: Dancing alone to music
That's it. Fifteen seconds of reflection. One rediscovered pleasure. No Himalayan-Cinnamon candle required.
I have a client whose pleasure activity is narrating each step out loud while cooking, like she's hosting her own cooking show. She gave herself permission to look "crazy" while nurturing herself because she'd rather be radiant with energy than normal and depleted.
List 20+ things that bring you genuine pleasure across all price points and time commitments. When you feel depleted, don't guess, order from your menu.
2. Curate your hobbies based on the state of your nervous system
Yes, cu-rate. I would like you to think about hobbies in a new way. Your hobbies shouldn’t just fill time. They should recalibrate your body.
How do you curate hobbies based on the state of your nervous system?
Step 1- Know your dominant nervous system state
Here’s how you might recognise it in yourself:
State | What it Feels Like |
|---|---|
Fawn | Can’t say no, over-agreeing, people-pleasing, over-texting, seeking approval |
Freeze | Numb, avoidant, procrastinating, zoning out, can’t get moving |
Flight | Racing thoughts, perfectionism, over-researching, keeping busy to avoid feelings |
Fight | Irritability, snapping, controlling, forcing outcomes, tension in jaw/hands |
Step 2 - Choose a hobby that interrupts that state.
The goal is to counter-regulate, not amplify your survival mode.
EXAMPLES (to inspire. do your research):
If you are in Freeze (numb, stuck, can’t start things):
Interrupt with: Light movement-based or sensory hobbies
Gardening or re-potting plants (slow sensory interaction)
Voice activation: Hum while doing mundane tasks
Playing simple rhythm games (light stimulation)
Why it works:
Freeze wants no movement. These hobbies can gently nudge your body back online.
If you are in Fawn (over-explaining, afraid to disappoint):
Interrupt with: Solo, self-honouring hobbies that don’t require approval such as;
Ugly art: Create something intentionally bad
Rearranging your spaces around you to YOUR taste
Journaling “what I want but never say”
Solo dancing. Dance like an absolute fool with zero grace or skill
Why this works: You need to practice existing without an audience. These hobbies create a private world where your opinion is the only one that matters.
If you are in Flight (overthinking, avoiding, busy-busy):
Interrupt with: Slow, repetitive, grounding hobbies
Knitting or crocheting (repetitive hand motion)
Doing a jigsaw puzzle
Coloring mandalas
Why this one works: Flight wants to escape into speed. These hobbies hold you in the present moment through repetition and slowness.
If you are in Fight (control, anger, rigidity):
Interrupt with: Creative, non-performative expression
Ripping paper into confetti: Old magazines, junk mail, just shred it all
Screaming into pillows or in your car
Writing angry poetry or blackout poetry
Breaking things intentionally: Smash things in a safe outdoor space or a rage room
Why it works: Fight mode needs to discharge the energy without hurting yourself or others. These hobbies give your rage a safe playground.
Step 3: Practice this ritual for at least 20 minutes.
The wisdom of "useless" activities:
The world loves labelling things 'useless', especially hobbies with no hustle potential, activities that don't scale, and time spent doing things that are not considered ‘productive’.
I enjoy watching those documentaries where river otters spend hours -HOURS - sliding down muddy banks into the water, climbing back up, and doing it again.
It helps them regulate stress and maintain social bonds. I can’t help but think; if an otter knows it needs to play to survive, what does that say about us?
When you curate your Pleasure Menu or choose hobbies based on your nervous system state, you are not being lazy or unproductive. You are doing what the otter does, what every healthy mammal does.
You are engaging in the important 'useless' activities that keep you regulated, connected, and capable of actually living your life instead of just surviving it.
Nurture isn't about what you can check off a list. It's about honouring the part of you that needs to play, rest, and simply be without justification, without productivity, without proving your worth through output.
I hope this letter has inspired you to think in a new way about nurture and self-care.
If you read this letter and you are still thinking, "I need to buy more Cinnamon-Sunset-Bergamot-Himalayan-Salt-Manifestation-Abundance candles and do a bubble bath self-care Sunday," (sighs), do you. You can also DM me on Twitter or respond to this email. We might need to schedule an exorcism.
By the way, this letter ends the "Ritual of Self-Worth" series. Thank you for following along as we went through:
Rituals of Pain, which was a call for you to stop running from your wounds and start witnessing them with compassion,
Rituals of Worth, which has helped you see that your value isn't negotiable, performative, or earned, it simply is,
Rituals of Nurture, which I hope has shown you that self-care isn't something you buy, it is something you become.
I appreciate your sharing this space with me.
Talk soon,
Jumi.
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