Rituals of Self-Worth

I saw a Reddit post the other day asking how to overcome people-pleasing. Naturally, it pulled me in like a magnet. If you’ve been with me for a while, you already know that people-pleasing is a wound I’ve dissected over and over.

Scrolling through that thread, I could feel the pain behind so many of the comments. You could practically hear the collective cry: “I know it’s killing me, but I don’t know how to stop.” It is torture.

You make vows to yourself to try harder. You promise that next time will be different. When that moment of pressure comes, though, when someone needs something, expects something, or simply looks at you a certain way, you fold. Again. And then comes the shame. Again.

That post reminded me of why I write. These letters are not for surface-level tips. They are here to offer you shields, mirrors and today, rituals.

The Agenda

1. The connection between rituals and self-worth

2. Creating your ritual container

3. The ritual cycle - rituals of pain, worth and nurture.

This letter has a single important mission: to help you think deeply about anchoring intentional healing rhythms into your life. Take some time to honestly assess your daily patterns: what's keeping you stuck and what's moving you forward? This clarity will show you exactly where new rituals can flourish. If you'd like support navigating this journey, click here.

The connection between rituals and self-worth

The people-pleasing brain has been trained to decenter itself so completely that it literally cannot conceive of its own needs without immediately calculating how those needs appear to everyone else. When you can’t see your needs as anything but a burden, this automatically means that the bar for self-worth is on the floor.

I will let you in on something that a lot of people don't know: you cannot outthink people-pleasing habits. In fact, overcoming most behavioural patterns requires action-oriented approaches that interrupt the rumination cycles. These are mental spirals where you endlessly debate whether you are being selfish, whether you deserve care, or whether you are disappointing someone. These thought loops are what sink and cripple the formation of healthy habits.

What I am telling you is that you cannot simply read or binge-watch your way into overcoming people-pleasing habits. You cannot fix low self-esteem by spiralling in your mind.

This is why rituals are so powerful for people-pleasers. They create non-negotiable spaces where you must choose yourself first because the ritual demands it.

I also want you to understand that in creating rituals, consistency matters more than perfection. You don't need to execute your rituals flawlessly. You need to show up, again and again, teaching your brain that you matter enough to keep promises to yourself.

Each time you honour your ritual, you are building evidence that you are worthy of care, attention, and prioritisation.

Creating your ritual container

Most people-pleasers fail at rituals because they try to squeeze them into the cracks of their people-pleasing life. This approach is doomed because rituals require protection to flourish.

Before any ritual can take root, you must first create what I call a "ritual container", which is an untouchable zone where normal social rules don't apply. It is a deliberate boundary where your commitment to yourself becomes non-negotiable.

In this container, you are not a people pleaser. You are not someone who has to justify their needs. You are simply a human being honouring a commitment to your well-being.

I don't care what story you need to convince yourself that you deserve an hour of your day purely for you. A client I worked with had to brainwash herself into believing she was worthy of that time. Whatever it takes to get you there, do it.

This protected container is crucial because it gives you practice in being unavailable to other people’s needs without having to defend or explain yourself. It is something you must intentionally construct and fiercely defend.

How to create a ritual container

Creating a protected space requires 3 foundational elements:

1. Physical: Choose a specific time and place where you are unavailable. Close the door. Create a physical barrier between you and other people’s needs. If you live with people, communicate clearly: "I'm unavailable from 6-6:30 AM"

2. Mental: Decide in advance what you will and won't engage with during your ritual time. No problem-solving other people’s issues, no mental rehearsals of how you will help someone later. Your mind belongs entirely to your ritual during this time.

3. Emotional: This is the hardest part. You must give yourself permission to be unavailable without guilt. When someone needs you during your ritual time, you don't apologise. You must be able to indicate you are “unavailable right now”. The guilt will eat at you. Honour your boundary anyway.

The ritual cycle

I have decided to create this as a 4-part series to go in-depth into each pillar in the ritual cycle because rituals are dear to my heart and have been an important part of my journey every day. The other parts will explore rituals of pain, rituals of self-worth, and rituals of nurture. Have a look below for what to expect.

What I want for you

Every ritual is a declaration of self-worth.

The small choices you make compound into unshakeable self-respect that goes beyond you. When you stop over-functioning, others learn to function. When you stop rescuing, others develop resilience. When you model self-respect, you give everyone permission to do the same.

People watch you honour boundaries and learn theirs matter too. They see you prioritise yourself and stop feeling guilty about their needs. Your friends witness you saying no without apology and find the courage to do the same.

Imagine a life where self-prioritisation feels natural and where your healing becomes a gift to everyone around you.

The path out of people-pleasing is built one ritual at a time, one boundary at a time, one moment of choosing yourself at a time. This is how you reclaim your life and free others to reclaim theirs.

This is what I want for you.

Talk soon,

Jumi.

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