Growing up in a high-control environment, I lived in a perfect double bind. I was taught to never say no, drilled in the sacred hierarchy of Christ first, others second, myself dead last. Self-sacrifice wasn't just virtuous, it was the only acceptable way to exist. Any flicker of self-esteem was snuffed out like a bug scurrying across your skin on a humid summer day. My intuition was often buried under layers of "How do others feel?" before I ever considered my own needs, even in situations demanding self-preservation. I became a social chameleon, constantly observing dynamics of influence, reading rooms, and morphing to avoid upsetting anyone. This ability to observe, to feel the unsaid, to read between the lines became one of my most prized gifts. As I ventured into the world and developed my powers of introspection, this hypervigilance transformed into clear-eyed pattern recognition. I could see the traps of how certain upbringings shape women into ideal morsels for predators. This newsletter was born from that understanding: how specific patterns are often mistaken for holiness when, in fact, they are engraved invitations to be devoured.

I am using "psychopaths" as my umbrella term for predators, and I am shamelessly borrowing from the internet's memeification of the word. Will the clinical crowd clutch their pearls about diagnostic accuracy? Maybe. Whether you use the clinical term- psychopaths or the general term- predators, we are talking about the same people who exploit your heart for their gain.

The agenda

• How religious teachings get weaponised against you

• Why predators specifically target women with good morals

• How to protect yourself without compromising your faith

• Embodying the serpent and the dove

The Perfect Prey

Psychopaths don’t pick targets at random. They scan for vulnerabilities such as patterns, cues and tells. And nothing lights them up like a woman who has been trained to doubt herself and who fears being rude more than she fears being ruined.

The conditioning of many a “good Christian girl” is systematic, turning legitimate biblical concepts into tools of control. "Disown yourself" becomes ‘disappear completely’ because you internalise that your needs are selfish, your boundaries are a sin, and your voice doesn't matter. Rather than disown the parts of you that want to please at any cost, you start to disown the wisdom and discernment that God has placed in you.

"Submit" becomes blind compliance to any man claiming authority.

"Turn the other cheek" becomes “accept all mistreatment”, where forgiveness gets weaponised to keep you in harmful situations.

"Gentle spirit" becomes enforced silence where advocating for yourself is rebellion. Then the spicing on top- cultural messages that suggest nice girls shouldn't make waves, that imply that politeness matters more than safety, and that your worth comes only from serving others.

These distortions create women who are primed for exploitation: compliant, self-doubting, boundary-less. Predators don't need to break you down because you've been pre-broken, trained to gaslight yourself, and convinced that suffering is sanctification.

Why they target women with good morals

1. You are valuable. They want what you have. This includes and is not limited to reputation, resources, emotional stability, and social connections.

2. You are trusting. Your default is to believe people are good. This makes you easy to manipulate because you don't expect deception from someone who claims to love you.

3. You are empathetic. When they tell sob stories about their past, you feel their "pain" and want to help. Your compassion becomes their weapon.

4. You are forgiving. You believe in redemption and second chances. They exploit this by cycling through apologies and promises to change, knowing you'll give them another shot.

5. You are conflict-avoidant. You'd rather keep peace than address red flags. They push boundaries incrementally, knowing you'll rationalise away their behaviour rather than confront it.

6. You are responsible. When things go wrong, you examine your actions first. They exploit this by making their problems your fault and their behaviour your responsibility to fix.

Your goodness isn't your weakness, but it can definitely make you a target. The solution isn't to become cynical but to become wise.

Becoming as shrewd as a serpent

Jesus said to be "wise as serpents and innocent as doves.” Many Christian girls only got the dove bootcamp, which implores you to be mild, meek and trusting. The knowledge of the serpent has been left out. This has created a dangerous false choice: either be a doormat in the name of faith, or abandon your values to gain respect.

Faith doesn’t require you to abandon your instincts. It asks you to anchor them. To align them with truth, not guilt. So, how do you protect yourself without compromising your faith?

• Discern people's patterns, not just their words

• Pause before automatically saying yes

• Recognise that "no" is a complete sentence

• Understand that protecting yourself protects your ability to love others well

• Have well-vetted circles of trust- inner circle, middle circle and acquaintances. Everyone does not need to get your full story.

• Stop volunteering for martyrdom. Constantly serving others while depleting yourself is not noble. It is poor stewardship.

• Stop ignoring your gut

• Pray for discernment to separate biblical truth from cultural conditioning

Faith and strength aren't opposites. The woman who learns to be shrewd as a serpent while innocent as a dove serves from power, loves without losing herself, and creates space for others to grow in responsibility.

Embodying the serpent and the dove

I would like to clarify that the dove is neither weak nor naive. Instead, the dove represents the ability to act from pure intentions and love and the ability to maintain faith in goodness while acknowledging evil exists.

Jesus himself modelled being both tender and fierce, loving and discerning. He withdrew from crowds when needed, spoke the kind of truth that made people uncomfortable, and set clear boundaries with those who would misuse his time and energy.

Every Christian girl will benefit from integrating the serpent and the dove. This looks like:

1. trusting your gut when something feels off, without becoming paranoid or cynical

2. setting boundaries firmly without cruelty or vindictiveness

3. giving people chances to prove themselves worthy of your dove nature, without ignoring the serpent warnings when they show you who they are

4. letting things go to prevent a bitter heart

5. never confusing forgiveness with continued access

The goal isn't to become hard or suspicious, but to become wise and discerning. Jesus knew you'd need serpent wisdom to survive in a world full of wolves. Your dove heart needs serpent protection, and your serpent wisdom needs the dove purpose.

Christian girl kink: a note on bad boys

Let's flip the coin for a moment. We've talked about why predators hunt you. Now let's talk about why you might be drawn to them. And there's no shame in this attraction. None at all. So, what is it about the bad boys that attracts you so?

You are exhausted from being the perfect angel, and bad boys don't need you to maintain your spotless reputation. They offer permission to be messy and human. You've had enough vanilla "how was your day honey?" to last three lifetimes and crave someone who makes your pulse race and gives you intensity. You are addicted to being needed, and nothing feeds that high quite like a broken man who makes you feel like you are his only hope. You can't be the bad girl yourself without losing your identity, so you date one instead. And after years of Christian boys who apologise for taking up space, sexy, unapologetic confidence feels like a drug.

I get it.

What to do about it.

This attraction makes perfect sense given your conditioning, so stop beating yourself up for it. What do you want? Is it intensity, freedom, authenticity, or adventure you are after? Find healthy ways to meet these needs that don't require you to be someone's salvation project.

You don't need a bad boy to access your suppressed parts. You can be intense, passionate, and complex all by yourself, because your goodness doesn't require you to be bland.

There are men who have intensity AND integrity, passion AND respect, confidence AND kindness. The traits you find magnetic in bad boys exist in emotionally healthy men too. Your love is not a rehabilitation program, and you are not responsible for anyone else's healing journey. Nurture your interests. Become alive to the things that make you bloom.

The goal isn't to kill your attraction to intensity and edge but to find it in people who won't destroy you in the process. You can have the passion without the poison, the intensity without the manipulation, the adventure without the abuse. Your desires aren't wrong. Where you've been seeking to fulfil them might be the issue.

In conclusion,

The world needs women who are both tender and fierce, compassionate and discerning, generous and boundaried. It needs women who can spot a predator from a mile away and still believe in the goodness of humanity. It needs women who've been through it all and come back with both their heart and their backbone intact.

You are not prey. You are a woman made in the image of God, equipped with intuition, intelligence, and the right to protect what He has entrusted to you.

Trust your gut. Set your boundaries. Keep your heart.

Talk soon,

Jumi.

Share with the good girls who need to see this. Download the free Energy Vampire Tool Kit. Come find me on Twitter.